Happy Hawaii!

AND ALOHA HONOLULU! 

After a very long 10 hour flight in which I read the entirety of Slow Days, Fast Company by Eve Babitz (an amazing book which pretty much encapsulates my thoughts on LA/Hollywood) and Tab intermittently slept, read The Things We Never Got Over, and didn’t pee, we arrived at the Daniel K. Inouye airport. 

This airport is odd. You basically have to walk a mile half out doors from terminal to terminal to baggage claim. Luckily the weather was lovely (Tabitha’s hair would disagree*). I have no idea what they do during monsoons, but I imagine it’s not unlike being caught in the splash zone of sea world during a tornado. We got to baggage, ordered a Lyft, and were greeted with imitation lava stone leis at the Royal Hawaiian Resort on Waikiki. 

If you needed more evidence that Tabitha Thomas is the hotel queen, look to the castle she picked for our tropical leg of the trip. This resort is entirely pink, has gorgeous green leafy courtyards, a beach side lawn where you can do morning yoga and aerobics, plenty of food options, and a spa. 

Thoughts of New York were blown away by the sweet island breeze. We unpacked each getting our own bed this time. Changing out of our airport sweats into something brighter and shorter, we then floated on down to the Mai Tai bar to cash in on our comp champagne and order the first of many rum filled drinks. This would become our most frequented place in Honolulu. We finished the evening with our first watch on the beautiful beach before turning in.

We woke up ready to enjoy the pleasure of the island and got ready to go to breakfast saying bye to the house keepers and letting them know we didn’t need turn-down service for today. They were very concerned about this but let us go. 

We stopped down the main road to Eggs n’ Things cutting through an alley that Apple Maps insisted we take. And this is kind of where we hit a rocky patch in our otherwise fabulous trip. The cafe was great, very homey, good pancakes, great juice, and the waitress was very kind although she confused us for a different pair of very well dressed ladies from the day before (who knew we had bff doppelgängers). 

Still blue skies and clear waters as we got a good couple hours of tanning and drinking. Tabitha discovered her new favorite drink: The Pink Palace. The clouds started to come in though as we got up to the hotel to change for our evening plans. I started to feel a little under the weather and suddenly the kimchi fried rice that I had that morning, while delicious, apparently didn’t agree so much with digestion. So up it came and down I went. An hour-long nap to try and recover turned into two turned into ten, and the evening plans had to be postponed. Tabitha apparently also had to battle a little bit though not as bad. The angel that she is let me rest for the entire night. 

Everything was rainbows the next day though thank god.

We were awoken by the housekeeping determined this time to clean, and we got ready and headed down stairs. 

Azure offered us a wonderful egg free breakfast overlooking the water. We were only slightly tormented by an earwig that after a few minutes of failed smashing we wrapped in a napkin and stuffed it under a chair cushion where we promptly forgot it. Sorry Azure…

Tabitha went to lounge by the pool working through her book The Things We Never Got Over. 

I however went to the ocean. 

Let’s talk about a Hawaiian beach. Yes there are a lot of people around at all times, yes there are too many rocks to bang up your toes. But if I could spend every day getting into the turquoise water for hours I would. At Waikiki you can walk for half a mile when the tide is out midday and still the water will only come up to your shoulders. There are people out on floaties but honestly the water is at a great buoyancy that flotation devices aren’t necessary. There are these perfect sections where people can catch some major waves at high tide, newbies can try bunny waves, or you can just vibe all by your lonesome. The sand and the water is always so warm that it feels like the world is your bubble bath. I adore this beach and it most definitely will not be my last trip. Not only were some of my physical scars faded by the healing salt water, some of the stress of the year seeped off of my spine. I walked out feeling better than I had in a long time. 

Healing continues right into some fantastic massages that we got at the hotel spa. 80 minutes of kneading and pulling out us right in the mood for another Mai Tai and Pink Palace and that night we decided to have a Royal night in and ordered some cheesecake and rum to go with some Sex in the City streaming. 

Venturing out the next morning telling housekeeping again that they could skip our room, we went to Heavenly Island Lifestyle for some hopefully tummy friendly breakfast. Tabitha had some very crispy fried chicken and fries with a lovely cocktail (it was no pink palace though). I had a sudden craving for soup so I fed my long fast from pho and had some of the best since I lived in Modesto. I know that sounds shocking but it’s really the only thing Modesto has going for it. Over all the food was fantastic and the restaurant had very cute decor with little Halloween touches for the season. 

Back to the beach! 

And as it was our official last day we of course had some truly fun things in store. After Tab’s final Pink Palace we rode up the elevator to find housekeeping had come in after we left to clean (you can’t stop great service no matter how hard you try). We then caught a ride into downtown Honolulu for a night of firsts. 

First half was Haps n’ Flow. As our very chill driver dropped us off we got out and got ready for (drum roll please) TATOOS! 

I was an ink virgin so I was a little nervous for what was about to happen, but luckily Tab’s a tattoo vet and helped me handle it. 

We met with our artists, worked out prices, and filled out paperwork. Cue the next two painful hours of the entire trip. My guy got right to work penning out, by hand, a beautiful octopus design that wrapped around my ankle. There was a bit of a snafoo with Tab’s as the og choice was still working on a massive tribal tat on a birthday girl's thigh. He was a little held up. Luckily another artist drew up her prints and took over so it all worked out. We lay there on our respective tables, trying to focus on the beats bumpin’ from the speakers. The other client was thriving as well, fighting through some tears for the serious ink she was receiving. Honestly it was a good vibe. 

The shop overall was pretty chill, even with some misunderstanding at the end. Tips: make sure you prep to pay for tattoos in cash even if the deposit was Venmo. Determine if deposit is a part of the price initially. If your dad face times you mid tattoo have someone else tell him what’s happening. 

After that we took Tab to her first. Break n’ Anger rage room. These names are real by the way, as fake/coincidental as it seems. 

Originally this was supposed to be the first night activity, but our stomachs kept us from fighting out our feelings. The guys here though were super chill and worked with rescheduling. 

Our guide brought us in through a black lit neon hallway, up some steep stairs, past a roped off balcony, and to the shop to pick up our breakables. Now I do not recommend doing this right after getting a tattoo but we’re crazy so whatever. We got on our suits, helmets, and gloves. The next hour we spent smashing and trashing shit raging out all stress. Absolutely necessary. 

There was still a little left over though at the end of the hour and a half so of course they brought us to the splatter room. A room seemingly covered in 500 different Jackson Pollock paintings. They also have a rad turtle statue for a buddy, a drum caked in paint, and outside guns filled with it for your spraying pleasure. We got to spinning the canvases they provide to have a little creative break. Still in the spirit, we decorated the walls with a very tasteful “suck a c*ck REDACTED” as a special message to one particular person out there. I was inspired to just lay painted hand prints on everything, blessing the turtle as well. The hour rounded off and we were done for the night. The guys were super sweet and made extra sure we got into our Lyft safely going as far as to help flag it down.

We got tot he hotel and not a minute to soon as our respective tattoos were crying in agony. We had a night cap to help ease the pain and knock out.

Our final morning was spent looking out across the water before we had to fly back to reality. 

Aloha Hawaii, you were amazing and we will be back.